About a week ago I had a dream that I’d been elected President of the USA (POTUS). (tr Jupiter in 12th opp Sun.) I was shortly to make my inauguration speech. I hadn’t prepared anything, and I couldn’t think of anything to say.
This dream, a friend suggested, indicates that I don’t know what my values are. I agreed, and spent some days bemoaning the fact. But then I thought why am I treating this as hopeless, as a ‘fact’? What are my values, what is it that I stand for? Because the symbolism of POTUS is public, it is about standing for something.
And I knew immediately, I’d known all along. It’s what I always seem to come back to in my blogs. I stand for the existence of the noumenal realm, for the reality behind the 5 senses that supports and nourishes this world, that is the source of this world, and that is also indistinguishable from it. (Tr Neptune square MC)
That is what I stand for. It may seem self-important to want to ‘stand for’ something. It’s not that, though. I don’t need a large and admiring audience, that is something I would instinctively shrink from. No, it’s that I picture myself in relation to the world, I can’t do otherwise: the noumenal realm is one of connectedness. It is the opposite of the individualism that modern economic ideology fosters, in which the ‘achievement’ of the individual is all, and the consequences on others are for sissy left-wingers to deal with.
It is like we are all individual trees that are visible to others and contribute to the whole. And the tree that is me has white light pouring from it, that is drawn up from deep underground (Sag IC-Moon-Saturn), and I want that white light to be in the world. That is what I feel strongly about, that is what I am here for. I want the light of what is real to be in the world, and my job is to be one of the people who embody that. (Jupiter-Neptune-Node in Scorpio.)
And what is real is not just that which can be sensed. That is real, but it is not real in the sense of being the only reality. In this literal age, my job is to embody the larger reality that our seemingly literal reality is part of. I say embody. It’s not enough just to have the words. I need to feel it, and I do, and feeling makes an energetic difference to the world. The fact of my being here makes the world that little bit less literal, and that bit more connected to the sacred - from the Latin sacrum, which referred to the gods or anything in their power. The white light isn’t just experienced as nourishing – like the gods it can be experienced even as terrible and destructive, like a river in full flood that meets resistance.
So I am also a mediator with that realm, or an interpreter of it. That is why I am an astrologer. People become troubled, their partial reality no longer works for them because the noumenal, in the form of a wild god, has joined them at the dinner table. Now I’m not saying I’m any better at dealing with this wild god when he enters my life than anyone else is. But I do know something about him, because that is what I am about.
This ‘spiritual’ centre drew me to Buddhism in my early twenties. And I loved the philosophy behind it, the thorough and subtle revealing of the noumenal realm, of sunyata, and the different levels of sunyata, all designed to stop us literalising it. I kind of knew what I was about. (tr Uranus conjunct Sag IC and Moon-Saturn)
But it was partial. So much of me was absent and troubled. And I found that though, in my partial way, I stood for this noumenal realm, the Buddhist organisation I was part of, I eventually realised, did not; it stood if anything for the opposite. So I was out of there after 18 years. (tr Pluto conj IC; Uranus opp Uranus)
A big theme of the last 16 years, and particularly the last 2 years, has been the slow coming to consciousness of the absent bits of myself, the childhood bits that felt traumatised by the pressures and criticism and incomprehension I received at an early age (tr Pluto hard-aspecting Angles and Moon), and that fitted like a glove into the shadow-side of organised religion.
Troubled they may be, but those parts are also soil for the tree to grow in. So what the dream is also suggesting is that it’s time to bring the white light and the soil together. Tentatively, perhaps, but also definitely. It will take time for the tree to put down proper roots. (tr Saturn soon to hard-aspect Angles.) But I think I’m planting it. Here’s to the next 20 years! (Prog Pluto in prog 10th, prog Uranus in prog 9th)